Day Twelve – 10 Terrible Sequels Headed Our Way


Whether you have been noticing or not, Hollywood loves their sequels. They are constantly planning the next big franchise continuation.

Ten Sequels that make me say “Why? What person thought this would be a legitimately good idea? Are you kidding me?”

10) Jurassic Park 4

Michael Crichton is no longer with us, and that makes me sad. He always has, and will always be, one of my favorite authors. As his involvement in the Jurassic Park series dwindled, so did the quality. The first movie proved to be absolutely breathtaking and a revolutionary movie with visual effects. He executive produced it and co-wrote the screenplay. I guarantee the debate while eating Chilean Sea Bass was all Crichton. The second, he wrote the book and that was about it. David Koepp proved that he can screw up a good thing, the book was great, the movie was not. Read the book and you’ll wonder how they came up with the ideas they used. The third movie, Crichton was credited for creating characters. Now he is deceased, the series will destroy the series permanently, I fear.

9) Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps

At what point did people start screaming for a sequel to Wall Street? I saw the movie a couple of years ago and I genuinely do not remember what happened, I retained nothing. While it wasn’t bad, I couldn’t tell you what occurred except a lot of corrupt deals and scamming?

8) Ghost Rider 2

Did they see the original? The one liners from that movie made Chuck Norris seem like a graduate level philosophy class discussion.

7) Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Orlando Bloom may not be the greatest actor, but I have to give him and Keira Knightley some credit for stepping away from the franchise. After the questionable second installment and atrocious finale, this movie has no reason to be good.

6) Spider-Man 4

Sam Raimi and the rest of the original cast is gone. Not a bad move, honestly. The franchise was getting winded. So now we get a new Peter Parker, new director, and a reboot less than a decade after the original came out. I don’t see why we need another origin story about Spider-Man.

5) The Strangers 2, Scream 4, Friday the 13th Part 2 of the reboot, Silent Hill 2, Saw VII, & Cloverfield 2

I categorized these into one category because I can say the same thing about every single one of these movies. These are sequels to movies that weren’t good in the first place. However, with typical budgets of only a couple million make it easy to make a profit. That’s why Saw continues to come out, despite the fact that Jigsaw has been dead for 3 movies or so. Oh, I’m sorry, did I spoil the horrible sequels for you? I’m not sorry, that’s the truth.

4) Scary Movie 5

Do you really want, or need, me to give a reason why this movie shouldn’t be made? If your answer is yes, rent 1 through 4 and watch them back to back in one sitting. If, after that, you haven’t put a drill to your eyes so you can’t see anymore and want me to answer still, let me know.

3) Twister 2

That’s right, that movie that came out over a decade ago that featured nature and Cary Elwes as villains may come back for another round. Producer Kathleen Kennedy is apparently toying with 3D for the sequel. It’s just not a formula for a good time.

2) Fast and the Furious 5, Chronicles of Riddick 3, and XXX: The Return of Xander Cage

Sorry, Vin Diesel, your career peaked with Saving Private Ryan.

1)      Indiana Jones 5

DON’T . . . F#$%ING . . . DO . . . IT!!! My childhood is still fragile after watching Shia Lebouf swing with his monkey alliance army against wig-wearing Commie Cate Blanchett in the green screen chase of crap to return the alien skull because it “told him he had to” to find out that knowledge is power!!! My blood pressure is rising as I type this right now. Please, the series ended with Indy and crew riding off on their horses in the sunset, please. Don’t do it, please. Stop destroying my true loves. Please.

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2 comments

  1. Good grief! I agree that these should never come out of the concept room, let alone make their way into the box office. Especially GR2, since I’m assuming Nic Cage will be back as the title character. It’s what turned me off of seeing the first one. Don’t know what it is, but I can’t stand him as an actor. I’d rather sit through “Elektra” or “Spider-Man 4”.

    Whatever happened to Vin Diesel wanting to do a film remake of “Guys & Dolls” as Nathan Detroit? THATS’s the one I’ve been looking forward to. Seriously, the guy grew up in an artists’ commune with a musical-theatre loving mother. I remember seven or eight years ago, right around when “Chicago” came out, that he said he wanted to do “Guys & Dolls.” And then, nothing.

    I didn’t get to see the newest Indy, but I’m worried about yet another one. Harrison Ford’s getting on a bit to play the action hero.

    The Marvel Comics sequel (or rather, prequel) I’m waiting for is “Origins: Magneto”. He’s gotta be one of the most fascinating characters in the franchise – certainly more interesting than Wolverine, even with the new “official” backstory Howlett stuff. Don’t know if you read comics at all, Tom, but you should pick up a copy of the graphic novel “Magneto: Testament” – all about his childhood in pre-war and then WWII, and the things he went through at Auschwitz. It had me in tears. Very thoughtful story, respectful of history, carefully researched, and very moving.

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